What is this? This is Klouchebag — the standard for measuring asshattery online!
No, seriously, what's this? I got annoyed with the fuss around Klout, the horrible social-game that assigns you a score based on how "influential" you are online. This is the result.
It called me names! Sorry. Don't take it personally. This is about as scientific as Klout's own measurements — which is to say, it's pretty much a crapshoot. You're probably a lovely person. Although you might want to cut down on the swearing a bit.
What do the ratings mean? Klouchebag uses the ARSE rating system. Anger: profanity and rage. Retweets: "please RT"s, no or constant retweeting, and old-style. Social Apps: every useless checkin on foursquare or its horrible brethren. And English Usage: if you use EXCLAMATION MARKS OMG!!! or no capitals at all, this'll be quite high.
Isn't "douchebag" a sexist insult? Opinion is divided. I chose it because it's the only insult that you can put "kl" in the front of and still have it mostly make sense. (Plus, "klunt.com" was unavailable.)
Why no achievements? Ooh, or perks? I don't want people to actually start competing! (And I'm a bit lazy.)
It's broken! Quite possibly. This was coded in a few hours' frenzy after getting the idea, and there are almost certainly bugs. It won't work if your corporate network blocks Twitter, for example.
But... but my Klout score is important! No it's not. It's like search engine optimisation, only for yourself. Ignore it. Concentrate on making amazing things, caring about the people around you, and not being a douchebag. If you do that, then you'll soon realise that it doesn't matter one jot what an algorithm thinks of you.
I have another question! Email me. I'm friendly. Oh, and I thought I should mention that I'm looking for work doing web, video and viral stuff. Just in case.
Can't test it, don't have a Twitter account. I don't understand how people feel the need to let everybody and their cat know what they put on their sandwich this morning. Nobody cares about that, so nobody cares about that from me, and henceforth I have no need for a Twitter account.
I only really use my Twitter account to keep up with bands I like and their latest stuff. I find the 140 character limit annoying, as I tend to post more interesting stuff than "just had a bath - greatest. bath. ever." for which I then abuse Google+. But yeah, not a big fan of Twitter's users either. I do think they have one of the best layouts of all websites, though. A shame the JavaScript is huge and somehow just visiting Twitter makes Opera crash.
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Sat, April 28th, 2012 at 19:50
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mainly because i've only used it once o.o
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